– If you had a free day with no responsibilities and your

only mission was to enjoy yourself, what would you do?

Me spend time with Ames. Dat my mate. Ames is were-kitty. Eat butter-fried snake, drink mead. Uhhh… not say rest, kids might read.

– What impression do you make on people when they first

meet you? How about after they’ve known you for a

while?

People think all orc dumb. So me say something real smart, they go all droopy-jawed. Say all kinda dumb stuff and things. But when get to know, usually good. Treat me like smart mage. No look at green skin. Look at big brain.

– What are you most proud of about your life?

I proud that I make Shaman proud. Shaman friend… more like father to me. Day he kick me out of village proudest day of life. Sad too. But he trust me and love me that much, know I survive out dere, know I try help village when get rich and famous. He never say that doh, not in words.

– What are you most ashamed of in your life?

Back when more dumb, not think much of others. Was very careless. By not looking out fer folks, they suffer. Me look other way, let it happen. Was careless other ways to. Might have babies out dere, would never know. Was stupid kid.

– If you could spend the day with someone you admire

(living or dead or imaginary), who would you pick?

Weird question. Yer weird. Why me spend day wit’ dead person? Sit next to corpse and say, ‘Oh me hear about great stuff you did. Nice bones.’ Weirdo.

– Is there anything you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t

done? What would happen if you did it?

Always wanna shoot giant rock thrower! Uhhh. Trebu… Tre-but… huge rock thrower. If did, would smash old chief’s hut. Ha ha! He not know what hit ‘im. Bashers would all stand ’round looking dumb. Bits of hut all over. Would have good laugh.

– What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done to someone?

Why?

I uhhh… once use Rock to bash someone’s head to mush. Sometimes, cast too many spells. Get angry, not wanna cast no more. Take out Rock from pouch and… get carried away. If dey hurt friends, it can happen. But… yeah, pretty bad. Should have more control.

– What would you like it to say on your tombstone?

‘Here be Sorch. He smartest orc.’ But guess if dead, don’t matter much. Maybe pretty drawing though, for people who walk by.

– How do you feel about your life right now? What, if

anything, would you like to change?

Life OK. Got good mate, loyal friends. Nasty enemies, but work on dat. Change? Could use more gold. Wanna buy a nice boat, so can sail up coast and visit Shaman whenever. Catch fish. Take friends out when not killin’ stuff and things. Private time wit’ Ames where we… do kids read dis? Never you mind. I gotta go anyway. You talk to shrimpy author.
Sorch is the main character from Bill Ricardi’s ‘Another Stupid Spell’. Another Stupid Spell is a first person high fantasy novel, available on Amazon. The tone and vocabulary of the story shifts as our narrator, Sorch the orc, finds ways to enhance his intelligence. You get to grow as Sorch grows, learn as he learns, and share his most intimate thoughts.