Joss: Tell us your name and a little about yourself.

Jikun: What? Truly? I just answered this god-damn question. If they didn’t read the interview prior they certainly aren’t going to put up with Navon babbling all over the place.

Navon: And so it has begun. (Jikun complaining in the background*) Beside me is Jikun Taemrin, the prestigious and incredibly talented former general of Sevrigel. Boorish, to be sure. He grew up with something close to a barbaric childhood and has an underdeveloped talent for both poetry and cyromancy.

I am Navon Heltura, former captain of Sevrigel.

Joss: Would you elaborate on yourself, Navon?

Navon: Oh, no no. Jikun is right. I am not at all interesting. And if we don’t keep a quick pace on this, I’m afraid the general is liable to just wander of—There he goes already. GENERAL!—DISPLAY SOME MANNERS FOR THE LADY!

Jikun: (begrudgingly returns*) I can see their eyes glazing over from here.

Joss: What are some things that you like to do together?

Jikun: Taverns. War. Bicker. Women.

Navon: Let me clarify that: we do not do the same women together.

Jikun: I don’t know why that was necessary to clarify.

Navon: (flustered*) I meant, we don’t do the same women. (blushes*) I meant to say, I don’t “do” any of the women! I mean, I don’t have relations with women. No women! None!

Jikun: …Well that was embarrassing. Probably should have just let me answer this one.

Navon: My mind is still caught by the last interview!—I just wanted to clarify that you and I—

Jikun: The last interview?—What in Ramul are you talking about?

Joss: (swiftly interrupts*) While we are on the topic of relationships, any love interests in your lives?

Jikun: Love interests? (snorts*) Cheap women, same as I said before. Other relationships… inflict greater wounds than blades.

Navon: (regains composure*) That was rather deep, but it’s not going to prevent me from calling you out on the half-truth. He does fancy a girl named Kaivervi.

Jikun: What? I’ve never said the name.

Navon: I’ve heard it a dozen times over the years.

Jikun: (stiffens*) Utter lies.

Navon: (tosses hand casually*) While you sleep. You have had many a verbal go with her. It all sounds rather intimate.

Jikun: While I sleep?—Good gods, what are you doing in my tent while I sleep? …If you dare breathe that name to anyone again, so help me I’ll tell everyone about Scarletta.

Navon: (mouth snaps shut*)

Joss: Navon, while you and Jikun seem quite close, it seems the general always wins the discussion. Is this an element of your captain / general relationship?

Navon: I suppose so. After all, as close as we are, he’s still my general.

Jikun: (smacks Navon on the back*) He pretends I win more than I do. He goes behind my back half the time anyways.

Navon: I lie no more than you. How often do you say you’ve slept with your last whore?

Jikun: Only as often as you swear you’ve cast your last god-damn necromantic spell.

Joss: You two seem to disagree often. What is one thing you would change about the other?

Jikun: Just one thing? I could go on for days.

Navon: Gods is he surly today. (sighs*) This is a tricky question. I suppose the general’s openness. He locks everything he feels behind such well-carved masks it takes a keen eye to spot his pain or hesitations. And it develops more than one otherwise friendly conversation into an argument. Most of all, it’s frankly unhealthy.

Joss: And you, Jikun? What would you change about Navon?

Jikun: …Nothing.

Navon: What?

Joss: You just said there was a long list—

Jikun: Well, it’s not as long as I thought. Navon isn’t really a problem. It’s who he pretends to be that gets under my skin. If he’d stop flaunting a Sel’varian personality, he’d be infinitely more bearable.

Navon: There comes the insult.

Joss: With you two being so close, will we see any action between you?

Jikun: As I said, if he keeps acting so unbearable, I’ll be liable to throttle him.

Navon: (blushes*)…That’s not what she means.

Jikun: What?

Navon: S-she’s shipping us.

Jikun: (blinks*) To where?

Navon: No… shipping as in… making us a couple.

Jikun: (jaw slacks*)…What the fuck?

Navon: Yes, it’s a very popular thing to do. And you are always acting like such a delicate hot-head around me. And you constantly call me a whore. It only stands to reason that one would eventually match us together due to our deep friendship masked by your boorish behavior.

Jikun: What?! I’d never bed you, no matter how much you act like a god-damn woman!

Navon: That’s slightly insulting on several levels.

Jikun: (marches off*)

Joss: Well Navon… anything to add?

Navon: Wait… did you ask him that previous question in his private interview?

Joss: Yes—he didn’t understand then, either.

Navon: (laughs*) Good thing he didn’t or we would have never dragged him along for this one!